That word emerged most frequently when I dropped — as the yogis say — into the cave of my heart, in several rounds of meditation. This meditation practice, I hoped, would reconcile the conflicting feelings I had about the next work to which I might be called.

Healer. That word as it related to me and my sense of calling was entirely perplexing. I was far more comfortable with other descriptors: Challenger. Administrator. Facilitator. Leader. Pastor. Yogi. Those were all words I was comfortable using to describe myself. But, Healer?

I began to ask in meditation what healer means for me. For several days, nothing new emerged. Just the word and a lot of the normal chatter in my brain.

For the past 18 months, I had been struggling with where and how I should live my calling, my purpose, my dharma. After many different roles in the church, I did not feel like there was any fit for my gifts any more. Or my gifts that people in the church did want to use — communication and administration — were not the ones I felt most called to use. I felt perpetually like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

So, I questioned: Should I leave the church entirely and teach yoga? Should I work to translate my skills acquired in the church world for secular settings? Or something else I hadn’t thought about yet?

Healer. I kept dropping that word deeper into my meditation. Too often my mind turned to busy-ness, often to whatever was frustrating me about my current work. After several days of bouncing between my busy mind and this deeper meditation, something began to emerge.

I have spent my ministry challenging systems. (I am an 8 on the enneagram — the Challenger — for those who know that personality typing system.) I’m good at taking broken organizations, changing, and repairing them, even under chaotic and dysfunctional circumstances. Though I am good at that, the work often leaves me exhausted and drained. And too often, when I left a particular job, the system rolled back to old habits, to what it had always done. Meanwhile, I would always move forward to a new job or project, a part of me often felt like I had failed to make the changes I thought would be good and healthy for that organization.

The universe continued to whisper this new word into my ear: Healer.

I began to wonder — What if the reason the systems rolled back was that the work of changing administrative systems, or even organizational culture, was too superficial? Perhaps healing the dysfunctional system had to happen before it could move forward into a new future? This 18 months of discernment had been spent immersed in yoga teaching and practice through a 300-hour advanced teacher training. I had observed in myself and others who practiced and taught yoga, meditation and Reiki that they were able to make changes to their habits not out of sheer willpower, but organically out of how the practices were shaping them.

I began to dream — what if I brought the yoga, breath and meditation practices that was now certified to teach and healed me over the years together with my skills to train, coach and lead change in organizations? Could I bring the kind of healing that was grown in well-tended soil?

With this healing purpose in mind, I have given to a re-energized purpose for me and my business — Nicole Havelka Consulting. I weave mindfulness practices into team building, leadership coaching, creative visioning process and administrative consulting.

Healing. This is my calling. I would love for you to try out the living manifestation of that nudge from the universe: vibrant, intentional community that empowers you to be more connected, curious and courageous in your life and leadership.

Join my Defy the Trend Community Free Seeker Membership! It includes: 

  • access to one of my upcoming yoga classes (attend live any Wednesday at 8:30 a.m. EDT or get the recording)
  • access to online community conversations
  • a sampler package of downloadable guided meditations
  • and (soon to launch) my weekly newsletter that will be full of practice tips, resources, and links to special community events.